but i haven't counted

don't be upset if i don't write you
more often
i've been very worried about my knee
and also what they say about
bark beetles killing the aspen tree
take the bourgeois,
for example,
and give them an opportunity
for a subversive spin
they'll want to know what the odds are
they'll win
so i'm trying to rescue myself,
jumping from shelf to shelf
struggling to get rid of this fever
and if your suggestion has merit, of course
i'll pull the casino lever
pumping up my possibilities
but cancer, quiet simply
is life-threatening
it conducts a tall black hat battle
with my body
as though i were a broken baby rattle
shaken carelessly and fatally tossed
beyond the wall
can you hear my plaintiff call?
i'm still standing, trying not to fall
into another room with old martyrs
wearing blue velvet garters
LBJ said to know war is to know there is
still madness in this world
i'm under my perfect blanket, wondering aloud if i'll be stuffed and mounted?
my heart looks remarkably like little bullet holes
and oddly there could be thousands, but i haven't counted.