South Vietnam, once upon a time

General William Westmoreland went south
Looking for his compass
Which he was unable to read;
He hired an aide with glasses
Who couldn't speak the language,
So they signed together with their hands.

In the growing darkness, they looked for a light
At the end of a famous tunnel:
What they found instead
Was a toilet.

They wanted an air conditioned room
On the uppermost floor
Of the Rex Hotel
But none was available,
So they demolished the building.

When the smoke finally faded,
They threw their hands up in exasperation
And claimed victory!

A crowd of astonished onlookers
Gathered their press passes
And headed to the five o'clock follies
Where a final briefing was in progress.
They took notes and stood in line to use the toilet.

Later, everyone gathered at the roof-top bar for a drink.

When they arrived back in the USA the following day,
they expected a parade.
They never found one.